literature

101 Ways to Annoy People

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101 Ways To Annoy People
1) Sing the Batman theme continuously.
2) In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”
3) Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”.
4) Learn Morse code, and have entire conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…”
5) If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6) Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7) Speak only in a “robot” voice.
8) Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9) Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.
10) Leave the copy machine se tot reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11) Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12) Sniffle incessantly.
13) Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14) Name you dog “Dog”.
15) Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up”.
16) Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think:”
17) Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training”.
18) Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace.”
19) Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”.
20) Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21) Practice making fax and modem noises,
22) Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:” them to your boss.
23) Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24) Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25) Erect an elaborate network of ropes in you backyard, and tell you neighbors you are a “spider person”.
26) Finish all you sentences with the words, “in accordance with the prophesy.”
27) Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28) Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
29) Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and yelling, “LA LA LA IM NOT LISTENING LA LA”.
30) Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31) Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cowbell voice.
32) Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33) Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way”.
34) Drum on every available surface.
35) Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36) Ask 1800 operators for dates.
37) Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38) Sew anti-theft detectors strips into people’s backpacks.
39) Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40) Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41) Set alarms for random times.
42) Order a side of pork rinds with you filet mignon.
43) Instead of Gallo, serve Bight Train next Thanksgiving.
44) Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.
45) Honk and wave to strangers.
46) Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47) Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48) Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climatic parts of rental movies.
49) Wear your pants backwards.
50) Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51) Begin all you sentences with “ooh la la!”
52) ONLY TYPE IN UPPER CASE.
53) only type in lowercase.
54) Don’t use any punctuation either
55) Buy large quantities of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56) Pay for your dinner with 5 cent pieces.
57) Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58) Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59) Writ “X- BURIED TREASURE” in random spots all over someone’s maps.
60) Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/ UFO/ alien conspiracy theories.
61) Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:” Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
62) Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63) Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64) Leave tips in foreign currencies.
65) Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador”.
66) At the Laundromat, use one drier for each of your socks.
67) When Christmas caroling, sing ‘Jingle Bells, Batman smells: until physically restrained.
68) Wear a cape that says, “Magnificent One.”
69) As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70) Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71) Pretend you computer mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72) Try playing William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, “No wait, I messed t up,” and repeat.
73) Drive half a block.
74) Inform others that they only exist in your imagination.
75) Ask people what gender they are.
76) Lick the filling out of all Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77) Cultivate annoying accents, Norwegian for example.
78) Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall of “in case the big one comes.”
79) Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodges in co-workers brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies “Suagrs” or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80) While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. Like a parakeet.
81) Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82) Leave your Christmas lights up and lit till September.
83) Change your name to “AaJohn AaaaaaaSmith” for the great glory of being the first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name and demand people pronounce each “a.”
84) Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85) Chew on pens you’ve borrowed.
86) Wear a LOT of bad perfume.
87) Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing”.
88) Sing along at the opera.
89) Mow your law with scissors.
90) At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batatatatatat-suhWING-batter.”
91) Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your imaginary friend.
92) Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
93) As your co-workers mystery questions, then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”
94) Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture”.
95) Select the same song on a jukebox fifty times.
96) Never make eye contact.
97) Never break eye contact.
98) Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn.
99) Construct your own pretend “tricorder” and “scan” people with it, announcing the results.
100) Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101) Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.
No I did not make this up, but I had to post it. I am one of those people who actually do these sorts of things unintentionally.
© 2008 - 2024 Ennuiiunne
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MarissaSunshine's avatar
Sing any Internet earworm song (such as Nyan Cat or Friday) Nonstop. Oh yeah, that is EVIL. :devil: